Human Touch

I see my massage therapist every two weeks. I always look forward to it because I know it is a time to really, truly relax my body and soul. Best prescription the cardiologist ever gave me! It's always interesting though. I undress, lay face down on the table, and wait for the wonderful relief of working out all the knots in my shoulders and back. As I wait for her to enter the room, I always THINK that I'm relaxed, arms hanging down, eyes closed, etc. However, it's that first touch, the first laying on of hands, when I really relax. She puts her hands on my tight, knotted, clenched muscles, and my body just melts. It is then when I realize what causes that true relaxation and comfort is the simple human touch. The warmth of another person touching me causes a distinct physical, molecular reaction and transforms me into a state of peace and comfort I don't experience anywhere else.

We have, in many ways, become a society afraid of showing emotion and often afraid of being politically incorrect if we hug or touch someone. As a teacher, I engage in risky behavior like patting my students on the shoulder when they're doing a good job or need a little encouragement, or even hugging them when they need a hug. We're told we shouldn't do that, but I can't help it. Here's a kid who just needs a reassuring hug or hand of support. For so many of them, they don't get that anywhere else. Human touch is necessary for some of those moments.

So, back to the massage therapist. . . . it occurs to me that every two weeks I PAY someone to touch me. (Yes, I realize I'm mentioning massage therapist and payment together, but you know what I mean!) As that thought solidifies in my mind, I begin to realize that there are very few occasions in my life where I receive such a thing. I have been divorced for a long time, busy with my kids, and have only dated a little with that not really going too far, so it's been a long time since I've had that reassuring, loving male touch on a regular basis. I'm not even talking about anything sexual, just the little things like snuggling next to someone on the couch, an arm around my shoulders, holding hands, and a hug. I realize how much I have missed that over the years. Lord knows it would have been nice during some really tough times! In church yesterday, as we all held hands during The Lord's Prayer, this whole topic crossed my mind. The touch of a stranger in a unified meaning can be powerful. I will admit another realization . . . I like it when I end up sitting next to a guy. I'm beginning to sound a little pathetic, perhaps, but just making a point.

We need to be touched. From birth, babies desire to be cuddled and loved on, premature infants especially. A baby ignored and not touched will suffer in many ways. Older children with ADD have benefited from massage treatment. Human touch lowers blood pressure and reduces stress hormones. It can relieve anxiety. According to Tiffany Field, who directs the University of Miami's Touch Research Institute, the lack of touch in our society can lead to dangerous problems, " It's a very serious problem. If monkeys are deprived of touch, they kill each other." Even anthropologists have documented that primitive cultures with less affectionate touch are more violent than cultures with more touching.  We all marvel at the brutality in society and wonder how we got there. I believe it's the disconnect of many things emotional, and perhaps even more so, the lack of genuine, loving, supportive, comforting touch.

Oh, and let's not forget all those wonderful spontaneous hugs from children! They melt our hearts as their little arms swing around the neck and hold on tightly. Pure, innocent, love. I miss those hugs from my kids, but imagine a child who grew up without that opportunity or who had it at one time only to be pushed back as he grew older. I still hug on my kids, whether they like it or not. 

   

So, the point of all this is  . . . . take a little time to be aware of whether you are giving and receiving enough human touch. Do you see someone hurting and hesitate to offer a hug, a hand, or an arm around the shoulder? We are more likely to hug someone in congratulations than we are in support and comfort. That's sad. Our skin is one of the most sensitive organs, yet it can be one of the most deprived. If you're not getting enough touch, you might even need to tell a friend, "Hey, I need a hug." Don't be afraid to ask. I don't like the corporate speak of, "Perhaps we need to reach out to him," because it's really meant in a more negative way, so don't let that one fool you. And yes, you know I couldn't write all this without saying it . . . 

"Reach out and touch somebody's hand. Make this a better place, if you can." Yep, had to end on a corny note. :)