Political Manifesto of a Moderate with Conservative Leanings (and a few Liberal ones too)

I have never really been inclined to engage in a great deal of political discussion. I basically know what I believe, vote for the individual instead of the party, have defined myself as a Moderate, and am a registered Independent.  I have never been fully Conservative or fully Liberal. Typically more on the Conservative side than the Liberal. The reason I don't engage in a lot of political debate is not because I don't have firm convictions about my beliefs, but because my relationships with my friends have a basis which has nothing to do with politics. I have friends and loved ones who are extreme Liberals, friends and loved ones who are extreme Conservatives, and most who fall in the broad range between the two extremes. If you are my friend, I welcome you and love you whether I agree with your political position or not. In addition, I simply don't care to put such divisions between myself and others who are wonderful individuals, but who don't share my political views. We don't have to agree, I'm not the best debater, usually don't have enough facts to fully support my views, and don't feel the need to convert others. I'm the same way with the other big divisive issue . . . religion. In that, I try to live my Christian beliefs and believe in influence by example.

This whole topic arises because I have been told that I am unwilling to share my political views out of fear that I would alienate my more Liberal friends. In that sense, I could just as easily alienate my more Conservative friends. However, I believe that those who disagree with me will love me anyway, no matter how misguided they may think I am. I could be wrong, so if my "Friends" number drops on Facebook, I suppose I'll know. I don't think I'm wrong though.

So what is it that I believe? I'm not very good at articulating such things, but I'm willing to give it a try.

• National Defense/Security: I believe in complete military support! Our troops are of the utmost importance, they risk their lives for us on a daily basis, and they must be completely supported and praised. I believe that our military must remain strong, and this requires a firm military defense budget. There is never justification for sending our troops into harm's way without the proper training and equipment. I would like to see the waste in the defense budget cut but would not endorse military spending cuts in general. I believe that we need to do a more adequate job of securing our borders, especially in Mexico, but I'm not completely sure what the answer there is. I believe that diplomacy should generally be the first line of defense in an international situation, but that we should always be ready and willing to retaliate when our national interests are threatened. I do not believe that we need to police and democratize the world. However, I do believe it is necessary to have military bases throughout the world so we are better able to address issues if needed. I believe that international support is almost always optimal. I believe our international reputation and image has been badly damaged, and needs repair. I believe terrorism is an ongoing threat and we must seriously improve our "intelligence" community.
• Health Care: I believe Obamacare is a disaster!!! I do not believe in government-run health care. I believe in health care reform, primarily by reducing the waste of malpractice law suits, that dramatically raises the overall cost of health care. I believe that Medicare and Medicaid fraud must be clamped down on. I believe there are better solutions to our health care crisis than universal health care. I'm not completely sure what the best option is, but I am sure that Obama's plan is only going to make things worse. I can attest to this from my own experience. The government bureaucracy will only multiply the problems astronomically. 
• Energy: I believe that we must become energy independent! We must continue to explore energy forms such as nuclear power, clean coal, natural gas, solar, wind, geothermal, hydroelectric, and yes, drilling. While we must do this in an ecologically sound way, we also need to be reasonable in regulations. Too many unnecessary regulations limit development, and are keeping the country from being able to create new jobs and develop new industry. Cap and trade legislation will keep us from developing in these areas.
• Education: Do away with "No Child Left Behind"!!!!!!! What a freaking disaster! Eliminate the Department of Education! Funnel all of those monies to the states, and allow the states to control their education programs. There should be some national standards, certainly, but the federal government bureaucracy should not be running the show. This is one political topic that I actually am, and have been, vocal about, so I won't go on too much here. I can say that one of our biggest problems is the notion that every kid should go to college. We MUST begin to encourage students to learn technical and mechanical trades or our jobs will continue to go overseas. 
• Economy: What a mess! I am NOT better off now than I was three years ago. In fact, I'm much worse off. Legislation has limited our free-market economy and there is far from adequate growth. Consumer confidence is gone. The economy was doing much better when it was allowing capitalism to function. We must have tax incentives to promote small business and stimulate job growth, but we don't need to go back to the New Deal of FDR and put job creation in the hands of the government. The government can't afford it and can't run such programs efficiently   .
• Judicially: The role of the judge is to interpret the law, not make law. (That one is pretty simple.)
• Pro-Life or Pro-Choice: Both. Yes, I know, how can I be both? I DO NOT believe that women should be able to use abortion as a birth control method. However, I do believe that a woman should have the right to have the choice. I would never encourage it. I am for life, not in the radical Pro-Life sense, but I would always encourage life first. 

Ok, I think that's all I'm going to get into for now. I've covered some of the biggies. I realize that many on both sides will think I am horribly misguided, and that's OK. Please don't feel the need to enlighten me. I approach politics at my own pace and in my own way. I watch both Fox News AND CNN, but I avoid MSNBC. I have watched every Republican debate in an effort to understand the candidates better, one of whom, I believe, will be our next president. I drank the Kool-aid in 2008 and supported Obama. I simply couldn't have supported McCain, but may have voted Republican if it had been a different candidate. I had great hope for change with Obama. I didn't agree with everything he stood for but hoped my support would be rewarded with positive change. My world at that time, as for many others, was falling apart financially, etc., and I thought there had to be something different. Well, different is what we got, but not for the better. I am not speaking of Obama on a personal level here when I say I am unbelievably disappointed in what we got. The change has not been good, we are not better off, etc. I will be voting Republican in 2012. 

So there you have it. My very, very generally spelled-out views. I am not afraid to express them, and as I said before, I don't believe others will judge our friendship on my views. If they do, then we probably don't need each other. More than anything, I pray for a return to confidence for our nation, better education for our children, stronger financial status, a more positive international  presence and image, and peace. We have an amazing nation which can never be replicated. It is the best nation in the world, but we need to preserve it. 

A bra by any other name . . .

If you've never worn one, you're lucky! I have never found a woman who considered wearing one to be comfortable. Personally, I would rather wear a corset (we used to call those a Merry Widow. I always thought that was strange.). What is this medieval torture contraption? A bra!!

I have shared many a Facebook status in which I complained about my bra. The bras I currently have were at one time almost comfortable, but that was several years ago. In the last couple of years they have lost their shape. I suppose there are some women who have little trouble shopping for one, but I was never one of those people. To begin with, I have always had a very broad back. It would be great if I was an Olympic swimmer in the butterfly relay, but since I'm not, it hasn't been very useful. On top of that, no pun intended, I've always had boobs, sometimes more boob than others, and sometimes a lot more boob on one side than the other. And they're boobs that go all the way up to the collar bone. The bottom line is that my upper back and my boobs have always taken up too much of my body. With all that in mind, you can imagine the difficulty in finding a bra, especially one that is comfortable.

I think I got my first bra in 5th grade. Like many girls that age, I was kind of proud to actually have one. Of course the boys had fun popping the strap, but you know how they are. I never really figured out how that was fun for them. Perhaps it was the first step in learning how to unhook one with one hand in later years. Even in my teenage years, it wasn't that bad having boobs. The trouble started in my early 20s. That's when my back started to ache, and the bra straps started leaving indentations in my shoulders.

By the time I was 25, it was just all out of control. The boobs were just too big, and difficult to contain. I worked part-time with a chiropractor friend of mine when I lived in Atlanta, Ga., and he explained to me that some breasts are light weight, but some are dense. Of course mine are dense. In an effort to demonstrate the weight I was carrying in my breasts alone, we weighed them. . . . 22 pounds!!! Imagine having two 10 pound bags of cat litter strapped to the front of your chest. That's what it's like! Ugh! My back hurts just thinking about it!

Then, by the time I got married, and then got pregnant, it got just plain stupid!! When my ex-husband was working on his doctorate and I was teaching school, I finally had good enough health insurance to take care of the boob problem. Because of the back trouble, insurance would fully cover a breast reduction! Hallelujah!! Unfortunately, two days before I got that word, I found out that I was pregnant, so it would have to wait. During my pregnancy, I was one giant breast on one side, and a twice as giant breast on the other side. Misery!! No such thing as a bra to fit those crazy gelatinous things. Two months after giving birth, I was able to have the breast reduction. I won't go into detail about that little surgery, but I can say I have NEVER regretted it. I only wish they would have removed more. To be honest, the most disturbing part about it was the fact that people kept saying to me, "You mean you're husband is going to LET you do that?" Hello??? They're MY boobs, not his. Anyway, I thought all my boob problems would now be over.  . . . I was wrong.

One advantage of the reduction was that everything was a little perkier, except for the side, bra fat part. This began the next stage of bra discomfort. With my second pregnancy, the boobs grew back some. Between the larger boobs, the bra fat, and the broad back, it's been a road of discomfort. Since then, it's the same routine, bend over, adjust the boobs into the cups. Once you do that, of course, you have to adjust the shoulder straps and then pull the sides and back down. As long as you stay perfectly still, you'll be fine. However, if you reach for something, if you turn in any direction, bend over, or even cough, it's all over. If you're in public, you can't adjust the girls to put them back in the cups, then they start sliding out of the bottom. If you move the shoulder straps, you mess up the back. If you pull the back, it messes the cups up again. As a teacher, who stands in front of teenage boys all day long, there's only so much adjustment you can stealthily accomplish.

The bottom line is that bras simply aren't comfortable! We are constantly adjusting them, pulling at them, tucking everything into them, only to have it all fall out within minutes. Can't we just stop the insanity? Isn't there someone out there who can actually make one that works??? We have sent men to the moon, but we can't have a bra that doesn't drive us to drink?? There must be an answer. Sports bras aren't it. They cut off circulation, smash the boobs into one giant roll across the front of the chest, and aren't very sexy. If you have small enough of breasts, you might be able to get away with wearing an undershirt, but I'm too warm natured for that. Couldn't stand 2 layers of clothes. So then comes the Genie Bra, which is what inspired me to write this piece. I've never bought one, I have no faith in the bra makers, but I know a couple of people who have. The general report is that the Genie Bra does nothing magical and doesn't grant any wishes. By their reports, it rolls up, causes back pain, cuts off circulation, etc. I give up. Perhaps one day I will have enough money to have one custom made, until then, what are they good for . . . .

• The other day, one of my fellow teachers, a male, came around passing out mints. The mints were held in the cups of a lovely magenta bra. Now, on the surface, some might see that as inappropriate, bordering on sexual harassment. However, if you knew the guy, it wouldn't bother you a bit.
• Another good use for the bra is as a double sling shot. Potential military use here!
• They could be used as a hammock for small animals.
• Knee or elbow pads --- the lacy ones would look lovely
• Ear muffs
• Face mask
• Storage --- I actually use this method all the time! It's great for holding my cell phone if I don't have pockets. Also when doing little tasks, and you just need another place to hold something.
• Filter water from a stream
• One of my favorite jokes: A Catholic bra holds up the masses...
  A Salvation Army bra lifts up the fallen...
  A Baptist bra makes mountains out of molehills...
  
• I have even read that they can be used for growing tomatoes

In the end though, a bra by any other name, is still a modern torture device. 

Defining a woman . . .

I think we all sometimes wonder how others see us, both inwardly and out. For instance, if you were telling another person about me, what would you say? Would you begin with my physical characteristics? If so, what would you point out? If you began with my personality characteristics, what would stand out in your head? (These are rhetorical questions, mind you, I'm not sure I'd really want to know the answers.)

So, as a single, middle-aged woman, who occasionally contemplates the dating world, I wonder how I would be defined to someone else. How would I even define myself?

Let's touch (and I mean ever so lightly!) on the hard part first . . . I've never been one of those women who everyone turns to see when she walks into the room, or who is secretly despised by other women for my physical beauty. Nope. Not me. But that's perfectly fine. I don't really like to draw attention to myself, and certainly don't want to be despised by anyone. I'm too much of a people pleaser for that! I guess I would say, I'm kind of short, brown hair (sadly thinning), brown eyes,  --- here's the hard part --- not exactly in athletic shape (ok, I'm overweight, but the other sounded a little better), I don't wear a lot of make-up, basically, just kind of average looking. However, I have been told several times in my life that I can be elegant, and even sexy sometimes.

This is actually kind of hard to do . . . perhaps a different strategy. Let's think about what I'm NOT.

I will never appear on any episode of The Real Housewives of anything! I have no fake or added body features. I admit to a breast augmentation, but it was reduction, not an addition, so nothing fake. I do have a chest, but don't think any amount of tight clothing would make it look like those ladies. I do not like to wear shoes with any kind of heels, so that would knock me off the show. I'm not interested in breaking my ankle or killing my feet for vanity. Some women actually find heels comfortable, and that's great, I'm just not one of them. I have tried hair extensions once, but that was because of the thinning hair issue, not because I was going for the long, perfectly coiffed hair look. I couldn't stand it though, just wanted to pick at the glue the whole time. As mentioned earlier, I don't wear a lot of make-up, so that would be another strike against me. As for the tight clothes . . .  I HATE wearing tight fitting clothes. I loved the leggings and big shirts of the 1980s!! That was perfect for me!! The big shirt could hide my belly, while the leggings would show my much more attractive and smaller legs. On top of that, it was all stretchy, and roomy, and COMFORTABLE! To be honest, I can't even tell you the last time I actually tucked anything in, and I'm not ashamed of that. Another "Housewives" quality I lack is the big, gaudy, ridiculously show-off jewelry they wear. I was regularly wearing silver before silver was cool. Even in the days when we all wore gold, I didn't mind a diamond or two, but I never wanted anything BIG! I never wanted a giant rock for my engagement ring. If I were to ever get married again, I don't think I'd even want a diamond at all. The ring isn't the part I want, it's the partnership. THAT is priceless. So, no fake parts, no heels, no perfect hair, no perfect make-up, no tight clothing, no big rocks dripping from me. Oh, and I wouldn't televise my life. So, I'm not a "Real Housewives" sort of woman.

How about more typical women? After all, those women aren't very typical.

I'm thinking of the various women I saw while dining out with my 12 year old son tonight at a popular local restaurant.

1) Women with bling: I have many friends who look great with bling all over them! Bling on the purse, bling on the shirt, bling jewelry, bling in the hair, even bling on the butt of their jeans. Well, I'm not one of them either. I've tried, but it just doesn't work on me. Maybe it's that whole not wanting to draw attention to myself thing.

2) Arm Candy: We've all seen those women who always look perfect, and their husbands like to show them off. Ok, some women are just naturally that way (damn them!), but some women accept that it's the expected practice. This is not an insult, mind you. My own grandmother was an absolutely beautiful woman! She was always dressed perfectly. Everything about her outfits went together perfectly from top to bottom. She never left the house without her "face on" and her  hair fixed. I can't say she was really arm candy, but Grandaddy was sure proud to be seen with her and have other men notice how beautiful she was. (Wait, don't we all kind of want that? Anyway, you get the point.) I'll never forget a defining conversation with Grandmother. We had just gotten into London on the night before flying back home, at the end of a few very busy weeks having attended my sister's wedding in northern England and then traveling around for the next couple of weeks. We were tired, on each other's nerves, both hungry, and needed to just go have a bite and go to bed for the night. As I rather impatiently waited for her to "put on her face," I said, "Why can't you just go like that? Who cares whether you have all of your make up on or not?" She looked at me rather incredulously and said, "People who love me care how I look. Your Grandaddy would be appalled if he knew I went out in public like that." I guess my point here is that I'm a woman who likes to look nice, but I don't want it to be a condition of any relationship.

3) The whole country/Nascar/redneck thing isn't me either. Now, I don't mean to offend anyone by that label;  I'm totally generalizing here. I only like a small selection of country music, not a big fan of Southern Rock, would rather have wine than beer, and have no interest in watching cars drive around in circles. Just not me.

4) The nagging loud-mouth or the no conversation woman: I saw several of these tonight. First of all, I'm not very loud. Yes, I've had my nagging moments, but I really don't think I'd be defined by that. I felt so sorry for some of the men who were on the receiving end of the nagging, that I almost wanted to go hug them and invite them to join me and Asa at our table. Then there were the women who just sat, staring off at nothing while engaging in absolutely NO conversation with their dining partner.

5) The flirt: Admit it, we all flirt, but the kind I'm not is the one who can sit at the bar and hang on every man within a mile radius. You know, the ever so charming, slightly silly and air headed type. I like to flirt too, but not quite so blatantly. Sometimes, just a little dab will do ya.

Let's face it, there are so many different kinds of women out there. I only mentioned a few here, and most women wouldn't fit into any ONE category. Is it possible to really define a woman then, to really give an accurate description of one? I don't think so; we are multi-layered beings. I like to look nice, but I also like to not have to. I like to be outdoors and do outdoor things (like my archery), but I don't want to live in the country. I have moments of sophistication and class, but I have just as many moments where I don't. I love to travel, but I also love to be in the comfort of my own home. I'm not stunningly beautiful, but I'm not unattractive. I don't have the perfect body, but my body can do many things incredibly, perfectly well. I'm educated, but sometimes you wouldn't know it. I'm strong, but not overbearing (I don't think.) I'm tough, but very soft. I'm gentle, understanding, loving, and kind. I love to do for others, usually at the expense of myself. I deeply value the people I love, and the relationships I've made through my life. I love music, but have zilch musical talent. I was raised Episcopalian, but have Catholic leanings. I love art, but have no artistic talent. I can handle a multitude of stresses without completely falling apart, but when I fall apart, I do it well. I could go on, but the point is.  . . how does any of that fit into a type of woman? What type of woman would you describe me as if you were asked? (again, rhetorical) So, if you ever get a notion to tell some wonderful single man about this friend of yours, how would you define a woman?

Rebel Without a Cause?

The other day, I watched a brief documentary on juvenile delinquency in the 1950s, and followed this with the great 1955 movie "Rebel Without a Cause." With each generation, we hear things like, "Kids today are just trouble," "what do kids have to be so depressed about," " WE never acted like that when WE were young," etc. Well, thinking about teenagers in the 50s, and teenagers today, I'm inclined to think that although the symptoms of the problems may indeed be different, the roots of the problem are still the same.

The documentary on the problem of juvenile delinquency in the 1950s was very stereotypical. I took issue with the fact that they portrayed it in racial terms, but wasn't at all surprised considering the time it was made. The delinquents they showed were both black and white, but when they said, "Delinquents come from neighborhoods such as this," they showed a poor black, urban community. Then, when they showed a town meeting to discuss the problem, the audience was primarily white middle class. I believe I saw one black man in the crowd. This didn't surprise me because there's been generations of such brainwashing, and isn't it still done today? Anyway, aside from all that, the delinquent kids were shown bullying others, drinking, smoking cigarettes, hanging around in intimidating gangs, dressing out of the norm, arguing with parents, misbehaving in class, etc. Sound familiar? Oh yes, and it mentioned smoking marijuana, and other "illegal mind altering substances."

We look back at the days 50 years ago as more ideal, more simple, more family oriented, and certainly more behaved! What did those kids have to be rebellious about? Most kids had a mom at home when they left for, and came home from school. Families supposedly did more together. Everyone was so much more proper and spoke in a more civil manner to each other. They didn't have the pressure of drugs, sex, technology, etc which are present for the youth of today. Right? We've heard all of that, but the reality is a little different. And, the root problems are the same. Teenagers then felt the same things teenagers now feel.

So what's the root of the problem? I'll give a disclaimer here that there are many, many roots, which are unique to each individual, but there are some common threads. The overriding problems are lack of acceptance, feeling misunderstood, a disconnection between parent and child, and a desire for love.  Watch the trailer for "Rebel Without a Cause," and see what you think:
"Rebel Without a Cause" trailer

So, the point? What you see in "Rebel Without a Cause" is nothing new. There is a young man, Jim, whose parents are dysfunctional, and completely misunderstand the needs of their son. All he really wants is a man to teach him how to be a man, not to run away from his problems and fears. His father is incapable of this. His mother's idea of handling problems is moving, and running away from them. There is another young man, Plato, who wants his absent parents to be there, and to have a real family. He's essentially abandoned by his parents, and he has nobody. Then there's Judy, who doesn't understand why her father is suddenly so distant from her. She feels unloved. Finally, there's Buzz, the leader of the little group of delinquents. He challenges Jim to a "chickie" race to the edge of the cliff. Whoever jumps from the stolen car first, before it goes over the cliff, is the chicken. Unfortunately, Buzz gets a strap on his leather jacket caught on the door and can't jump. Just before the race, we find out that he only acts so tough because he thinks he needs to keep up appearances, but he's really not a bad guy.

The death of their friend makes all the characters do a little self-exploration. They ponder those root questions I mentioned above, they deal with two losses, and somehow they come through it, bringing at least one of two of the parents along. In the trailer, you see the scene where Jim tells his parents they're tearing him apart. All that is evident in this film is still evident today. Somehow, that makes me sad, but it also makes me realize that we can come through it all too. Listen. Talk. Be patient.

Fences

As I sit here listening to the wonderfully strong winds blowing through the opening of my downed fence, it hits me that it's not really just my literal fence which seems hopelessly irreparable, but some of my figurative fences keep falling down too.

The fence around my back yard is ridiculously pathetic. It's rotten, it has holes from the dog of previous tenants, and I my neighbor and I keep trying to nail it back together. When the Property Owners Association complained enough about the gate, the owners finally replaced it, but nothing on the rest of the fence. My neighbor has confronted the property management company, and the actual owners, but they don't seem to get along too well.  According to each side, the other has been "threatening." I stay out of that. I just pay my rent, and try not to be a problem tenant. But the winds have been crazy around here the last few days, well, last few months really, and it has finally taken down a section between me and my neighbor which will finally bring the fence issue to an end. At least that's my hope, and at least for that one side of the fence.

So, it's been a tenuous fence from the start when I moved in 2 years ago. It has done it's best to protect me and to give me a certain amount of privacy, but it just hasn't got any staying power left now.

The same thing keeps happening with my figurative fences, and I'm trying to look at it with the same positive light. When I moved down to Texas a couple of years ago, I was shedding some of the stress, toxic people, and crap which had invaded my life like a soul eating parasite! It was a new beginning for me and the boys, but it was scary, really scary. No job, no home, no money, and 2 boys to take care of, but also a firm belief that it would all work. Well, it did, and it was the right thing to do, but although I really felt the fresh start, the leaving behind a lot of toxicisity, the return to people and places I love, etc.  . . . I also brought some of my own "fences" with me. As I think about those fences I brought, they are very similar to the physical one around my backyard.

The figurative fences I've built have provided me with protection from some of the dangers in my life. They've kept the "bad" out, but sometimes they don't let the "good" in either. I left some of them behind when I started over here, but the really strong ones were carefully packed in the car with me. You have to have really special permission to get beyond those walls, and few people do. But it's the weaker, rotten, patched fences I've been taking down lately. Turns out, they've done more harm than good. They hid , in a feeble way, some of the mess I've been living with. I can't hide the big messes from the world anymore. Surprise! I'm a mess! Everyone knows about the mess that we're dealing with regarding Ethan, everyone knows much of the mess that was my "marriage," the mess that it is dealing with my ex-husband, the mess that is often my financial world, etc. The reality is, we're all a mess, every single one of us out here in the world. Some just have stronger fences to hid the mess. But guess what, they don't last forever. Over the last two years, I've learned to let the rotten fences, which hid the messes, just erode on their own. Certain people have been helpful by giving me an ax to use to aid in that destruction. Now that they're crumbling, I realize how badly damaged they are. They weren't really doing much good in shielding me. It was a very thin veil. I want them gone; the maintenance on an eroding, rotten structure is more than I'm willing to give anymore. Wasted energy.

I guess I'm simply not ashamed to let my figurative yard be visible to the world anymore. It's not very attractive. I have a black thumb, the beds are a little wild, but they also grow some beautiful roses which require no care from me. The basics are taken care of. The grass is cut regularly, and the edges are trimmed. The weeds are there, but are in control enough to no longer get notices from the POA.  There is no sprinkler system, so the grass is a little dry, but it's there. It's patient with my rare watering. I would like for it all to "look" better, but most of the time, I really don't care.

When whatever portion of new fence is installed in my backyard, I'll look at it differently now. It'll be a nice addition to the yard, not a barrier to hide things.

And those other, really solid walls I carefully packed up and moved with me? Well, I'm working on those. They're pretty darn hefty though. Perhaps when I figure out the proper medieval siege instrument needed to completely penetrate them, I'll attack them more. The reality is, they protect some deep scars, and they'll take longer. For now, at least I'm ridding myself of the rotten fences. A start . . .

How Facebook saved my life . . . well, sort of

I started this a couple of days ago . . .

Today I made contact with a friend I taught with during the dark time that was . . . teaching in Atlanta! Janie was one of my favorite people there, and I don't know what I would have done without her. I was thinking about her last night and took a gamble that I was FBing the correct person. I was! It was wonderful to hear from her today. It's been 22, gulp, years since I saw her last. So this makes me ponder the gift of Facebook.

I was a reluctant joiner. Lots of kids at the college were getting on it and talking about it, but it seemed like a kid thing, and I was too crazy in my own life to spend time on anything else. What finally forced me to join was my 25th high school reunion -- but not until after the reunion. When I was helping to notify people of the reunion plans, I relied on Classmates, and thought that was pretty cool. It was a difficult reunion to find people for because it was only 2 years after Katrina, and everyone was scattered to the winds (I graduated from Riverdale High School in New Orleans, for those of you who were wondering what my reunion had to do with Katrina.) It was hard to get the word out, and anyone not on Classmates had to hear it by word of mouth. In the end, there were people still in town who never knew about it because that word of mouth hadn't gotten to them. That was a shame.

The reunion fell at a good time in my life, when I really needed it. I was still digging myself out of my divorce, and had stabilized just enough to realize that I no longer had any idea who I was anymore. My identity had been lost in wife, mother, worker. In my marriage, I had been kept distant from my friends without really realizing the extent of the distance. When I began to get MY life back, I wanted my friends back. I had missed them all terribly! I've always been a social person, and the friendships I've made over the years are one the most important things in my life. I rely on the kindness, support, laughter, fun, etc. I was always good about writing  (yes, actual letters) to people and visiting whenever I could, but all of that had been lost over the years when I was in Ohio and the "ex" was using his psychological manipulation to control my ability to keep the lines open. So, going to my 25th reunion was a HUGE way to rediscover myself. It truly shocked me as I heard the way people referred to me and described me. It was like they were talking about someone I hadn't seen in a long time! Oh wait, I hadn't seen that person in a long time. I kept having fleeting thoughts along the lines of, "She sounds like a pretty nice person," only to realize I was thinking that about myself. I was relearning the things I liked and valued, what was meaningful to me, what my goals had been in the past, and most importantly, what I still had to offer and give in my life. What an awakening it was!!! Had I not gone to that reunion, rediscovered these friends, and accepted the person they seemed to know, I think I wouldn't have been able to get off of the path I was on, which wasn't my true path.

When I returned home from the reunion, I wanted to stay in touch with everyone, and that's when I gave in to the FB addiction. When I fell, I fell hard. I would come home after a long, hard day at work, get the kids fed and in bed, and somewhere around midnight, I'd hop on FB and feel much less alone reading what others had done with the day and what they had to say, joking about silly stuff, etc. How I needed that company, virtual as it was, it was soooo real to me! I thought it was a great blessing to have the contact, but I didn't realize how much more was going to come with it. I had found high school and middle school friends, and I was happy.

Then one day, a friend called. She was a fellow little sister in my college fraternity (Sigma Alpha Mu aka Sammys), and one of the very few people I had managed to stay in touch with from that group of friends. She was as diligent as I was about contact, otherwise I'm sure I would have lost her too. My ex NEVER would have fit in with my Sammy brothers and sisters!! (Of course that should have been my first sign, right! He also didn't like New Orleans! Ding, ding, ding, ding!) Anyway, she had just discovered her daughter reading a book by the fantastic young adult author, Libba Bray! Libba was one of our pledge sisters! Cool! We had to find her. We did, not through FB though, but when she called to catch up, she mentioned finding one of the Sammy brothers on FB the night before.  . . . It had never even occurred to me to look people from other groups of my life up on FB! Why hadn't it???? So I sent him a friend request that night, completely sure he wouldn't even remember who I was. Fortunately he did, and within 24 hours, I had reconnected with nearly 30 people I thought I had completely lost forever!!! That number grew quickly, and huge! I couldn't believe it! I said to one of them that I thought I had lost them all, to which she responded, "We've been here all along,it was you who left. Glad you're back." She was right. Most of these folks I hadn't seen in about 20+years. By this point, the boys and I had already decided to move back to Texas, but that was when we were still planning to move to San Antonio. I couldn't wait to get down to see everyone, and I came as quickly as possible. It helped me realize that I needed to come back to Denton , where I felt at home, and be with people who knew the real ME again. What an amazing comfort!!

Last summer, another piece of my life was put in place when I found my elementary school class, through FB of course, and went to the class of 1976 reunion down in Houston. How anyone from that long ago could possibly remember me after all this time was so strange, but it was consistent with what I had already been discovering about myself. The bottom line was that when all the pieces of my childhood, middle school, high school, and college days were put together, they formed a mosaic of a person I enjoyed rediscovering. I did matter to other people. I was valued. I was worth it. I was ok. I was still in there, and slowly peeling back the layers of defense, hurt, struggle, and fear. I was there, and I was going to be ok because I was now on my way back. I had the pieces of my life repainted, I was back in the classroom where I belonged, I was closer to family and friends, I was in a much better state of mind to raise my boys and set the example of living a full life. It's still a work in progress, but I'm making forward movement pretty regularly.

I guess my point then is that Facebook did save my life in a way. Through it, I found all the people who played a part in various stages of my life. In each person, there was a little piece of me which they had unknowingly preserved, and gave back to me when I resurfaced. Ten or twenty years ago, I don't know how this would have been possible. I now know people I didn't know very well a long time ago, but have grown to dearly love. I know people I've never met, but are a perfect connection for my sense of humor, and I dearly love them. I have connected with friends I only knew for 10 days on a tour of Italy back in 1987, and although we have written each other regularly for all of these years, I have them at my fingertips now. The wonderful woman who used to do my hair in Denton remembered me even. Now think about how many heads she had seen? (Love you Jana!) And I now have Janie, from the Atlanta years. I love putting this puzzle together. I love my life, all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It all makes the picture of me more complete, and that feels good.

In my Sammy days, we had a frat house with a great front porch where we would gather daily, laugh, talk, have a drink, give a hug, sometimes even do homework (nah!), and generally enjoy each other. It was a happy place to be, and I knew that if I was having a bad day, I could go sit on the porch for a while and feel better soon. When my Sammy friends are on FB, we have referred to sitting on the virtual porch. My porch has grown, and now my friends from different groups are making friends with my other friends. (I think you get it.) My virtual porch is big, it can hold lots of people, it offers plenty of love, support, humor, advice, and encouragement, and it's a very happy place to sit with ALL of my friends. :) I thank Facebook for bringing me the preservers of my life so I could have them back again.

A priceless Ethan moment from 2009

I ran across this when finding the other two posts about moving, and it gave me a happy giggle. I like giggling about Ethan, so I thought I'd share it too. Boys!

When is a rack not a rack?

by Leigh Range on Wednesday, February 11, 2009 at 1:11pm

This is one of those moments that I wanted to remember about my dear, sweet 13 year old son when he is older and complaining about his own children doing stupid things.

Ethan is home sick from school today, and actually wanted to do some science homework on the computer. Unfortunately, he's grounded from everything in life, so I had to break down and tell him where my laptop was hidden.

I told him to go into my closet and look on top of the lower rack on the left. Not too hard, right? For some reason he was struggling with these directions. After several rounds of, "I don't see it!" followed by me saying, "ok, there's a top rack, and a bottom rack. It's on top of the bottom rack." We each kept repeating these responses, and I'm wondering what part of his brain Ethan had actually damaged in his sleep somehow. I mean, the closet isn't THAT big, and we did determine that he was actually looking on the left side of the closet as instructed, what could the problem possibly be? Finally, after I rather forcefully repeated the top rack, bottom rack line again. He found it. Whew! Good lord! So I say, "Why on earth couldn't you find it before?" To which he responded, "Well, when you say RACK, I think BOOBS!" What???????

I proceeded to inform him that he was a complete idiot! His response to that was, "No, I'm just a 13 year old boy! To me, that's what a rack is." Oh I get it now, I'm thinking, because surely it would have made sense that I'd tell him to go to the closet and look on top of the lower BOOBS on the left side! Right?

When did we go from this:

Ethan at 6 months

to this?

Who, me?

Oh if he were only this easy now!!! I miss those days, but now know that he had already been exposed to ugliness and evil. Bless him. That sweet child is still in there, but he's scared and hurt. I pray daily that he will fieel the confidence to come back out.