I started this a couple of days ago . . .
Today I made contact with a friend I taught with during the dark time that was . . . teaching in Atlanta! Janie was one of my favorite people there, and I don't know what I would have done without her. I was thinking about her last night and took a gamble that I was FBing the correct person. I was! It was wonderful to hear from her today. It's been 22, gulp, years since I saw her last. So this makes me ponder the gift of Facebook.
I was a reluctant joiner. Lots of kids at the college were getting on it and talking about it, but it seemed like a kid thing, and I was too crazy in my own life to spend time on anything else. What finally forced me to join was my 25th high school reunion -- but not until after the reunion. When I was helping to notify people of the reunion plans, I relied on Classmates, and thought that was pretty cool. It was a difficult reunion to find people for because it was only 2 years after Katrina, and everyone was scattered to the winds (I graduated from Riverdale High School in New Orleans, for those of you who were wondering what my reunion had to do with Katrina.) It was hard to get the word out, and anyone not on Classmates had to hear it by word of mouth. In the end, there were people still in town who never knew about it because that word of mouth hadn't gotten to them. That was a shame.
The reunion fell at a good time in my life, when I really needed it. I was still digging myself out of my divorce, and had stabilized just enough to realize that I no longer had any idea who I was anymore. My identity had been lost in wife, mother, worker. In my marriage, I had been kept distant from my friends without really realizing the extent of the distance. When I began to get MY life back, I wanted my friends back. I had missed them all terribly! I've always been a social person, and the friendships I've made over the years are one the most important things in my life. I rely on the kindness, support, laughter, fun, etc. I was always good about writing (yes, actual letters) to people and visiting whenever I could, but all of that had been lost over the years when I was in Ohio and the "ex" was using his psychological manipulation to control my ability to keep the lines open. So, going to my 25th reunion was a HUGE way to rediscover myself. It truly shocked me as I heard the way people referred to me and described me. It was like they were talking about someone I hadn't seen in a long time! Oh wait, I hadn't seen that person in a long time. I kept having fleeting thoughts along the lines of, "She sounds like a pretty nice person," only to realize I was thinking that about myself. I was relearning the things I liked and valued, what was meaningful to me, what my goals had been in the past, and most importantly, what I still had to offer and give in my life. What an awakening it was!!! Had I not gone to that reunion, rediscovered these friends, and accepted the person they seemed to know, I think I wouldn't have been able to get off of the path I was on, which wasn't my true path.
When I returned home from the reunion, I wanted to stay in touch with everyone, and that's when I gave in to the FB addiction. When I fell, I fell hard. I would come home after a long, hard day at work, get the kids fed and in bed, and somewhere around midnight, I'd hop on FB and feel much less alone reading what others had done with the day and what they had to say, joking about silly stuff, etc. How I needed that company, virtual as it was, it was soooo real to me! I thought it was a great blessing to have the contact, but I didn't realize how much more was going to come with it. I had found high school and middle school friends, and I was happy.
Then one day, a friend called. She was a fellow little sister in my college fraternity (Sigma Alpha Mu aka Sammys), and one of the very few people I had managed to stay in touch with from that group of friends. She was as diligent as I was about contact, otherwise I'm sure I would have lost her too. My ex NEVER would have fit in with my Sammy brothers and sisters!! (Of course that should have been my first sign, right! He also didn't like New Orleans! Ding, ding, ding, ding!) Anyway, she had just discovered her daughter reading a book by the fantastic young adult author, Libba Bray! Libba was one of our pledge sisters! Cool! We had to find her. We did, not through FB though, but when she called to catch up, she mentioned finding one of the Sammy brothers on FB the night before. . . . It had never even occurred to me to look people from other groups of my life up on FB! Why hadn't it???? So I sent him a friend request that night, completely sure he wouldn't even remember who I was. Fortunately he did, and within 24 hours, I had reconnected with nearly 30 people I thought I had completely lost forever!!! That number grew quickly, and huge! I couldn't believe it! I said to one of them that I thought I had lost them all, to which she responded, "We've been here all along,it was you who left. Glad you're back." She was right. Most of these folks I hadn't seen in about 20+years. By this point, the boys and I had already decided to move back to Texas, but that was when we were still planning to move to San Antonio. I couldn't wait to get down to see everyone, and I came as quickly as possible. It helped me realize that I needed to come back to Denton , where I felt at home, and be with people who knew the real ME again. What an amazing comfort!!
Last summer, another piece of my life was put in place when I found my elementary school class, through FB of course, and went to the class of 1976 reunion down in Houston. How anyone from that long ago could possibly remember me after all this time was so strange, but it was consistent with what I had already been discovering about myself. The bottom line was that when all the pieces of my childhood, middle school, high school, and college days were put together, they formed a mosaic of a person I enjoyed rediscovering. I did matter to other people. I was valued. I was worth it. I was ok. I was still in there, and slowly peeling back the layers of defense, hurt, struggle, and fear. I was there, and I was going to be ok because I was now on my way back. I had the pieces of my life repainted, I was back in the classroom where I belonged, I was closer to family and friends, I was in a much better state of mind to raise my boys and set the example of living a full life. It's still a work in progress, but I'm making forward movement pretty regularly.
I guess my point then is that Facebook did save my life in a way. Through it, I found all the people who played a part in various stages of my life. In each person, there was a little piece of me which they had unknowingly preserved, and gave back to me when I resurfaced. Ten or twenty years ago, I don't know how this would have been possible. I now know people I didn't know very well a long time ago, but have grown to dearly love. I know people I've never met, but are a perfect connection for my sense of humor, and I dearly love them. I have connected with friends I only knew for 10 days on a tour of Italy back in 1987, and although we have written each other regularly for all of these years, I have them at my fingertips now. The wonderful woman who used to do my hair in Denton remembered me even. Now think about how many heads she had seen? (Love you Jana!) And I now have Janie, from the Atlanta years. I love putting this puzzle together. I love my life, all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It all makes the picture of me more complete, and that feels good.
In my Sammy days, we had a frat house with a great front porch where we would gather daily, laugh, talk, have a drink, give a hug, sometimes even do homework (nah!), and generally enjoy each other. It was a happy place to be, and I knew that if I was having a bad day, I could go sit on the porch for a while and feel better soon. When my Sammy friends are on FB, we have referred to sitting on the virtual porch. My porch has grown, and now my friends from different groups are making friends with my other friends. (I think you get it.) My virtual porch is big, it can hold lots of people, it offers plenty of love, support, humor, advice, and encouragement, and it's a very happy place to sit with ALL of my friends. :) I thank Facebook for bringing me the preservers of my life so I could have them back again.
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