Defining a woman . . .

I think we all sometimes wonder how others see us, both inwardly and out. For instance, if you were telling another person about me, what would you say? Would you begin with my physical characteristics? If so, what would you point out? If you began with my personality characteristics, what would stand out in your head? (These are rhetorical questions, mind you, I'm not sure I'd really want to know the answers.)

So, as a single, middle-aged woman, who occasionally contemplates the dating world, I wonder how I would be defined to someone else. How would I even define myself?

Let's touch (and I mean ever so lightly!) on the hard part first . . . I've never been one of those women who everyone turns to see when she walks into the room, or who is secretly despised by other women for my physical beauty. Nope. Not me. But that's perfectly fine. I don't really like to draw attention to myself, and certainly don't want to be despised by anyone. I'm too much of a people pleaser for that! I guess I would say, I'm kind of short, brown hair (sadly thinning), brown eyes,  --- here's the hard part --- not exactly in athletic shape (ok, I'm overweight, but the other sounded a little better), I don't wear a lot of make-up, basically, just kind of average looking. However, I have been told several times in my life that I can be elegant, and even sexy sometimes.

This is actually kind of hard to do . . . perhaps a different strategy. Let's think about what I'm NOT.

I will never appear on any episode of The Real Housewives of anything! I have no fake or added body features. I admit to a breast augmentation, but it was reduction, not an addition, so nothing fake. I do have a chest, but don't think any amount of tight clothing would make it look like those ladies. I do not like to wear shoes with any kind of heels, so that would knock me off the show. I'm not interested in breaking my ankle or killing my feet for vanity. Some women actually find heels comfortable, and that's great, I'm just not one of them. I have tried hair extensions once, but that was because of the thinning hair issue, not because I was going for the long, perfectly coiffed hair look. I couldn't stand it though, just wanted to pick at the glue the whole time. As mentioned earlier, I don't wear a lot of make-up, so that would be another strike against me. As for the tight clothes . . .  I HATE wearing tight fitting clothes. I loved the leggings and big shirts of the 1980s!! That was perfect for me!! The big shirt could hide my belly, while the leggings would show my much more attractive and smaller legs. On top of that, it was all stretchy, and roomy, and COMFORTABLE! To be honest, I can't even tell you the last time I actually tucked anything in, and I'm not ashamed of that. Another "Housewives" quality I lack is the big, gaudy, ridiculously show-off jewelry they wear. I was regularly wearing silver before silver was cool. Even in the days when we all wore gold, I didn't mind a diamond or two, but I never wanted anything BIG! I never wanted a giant rock for my engagement ring. If I were to ever get married again, I don't think I'd even want a diamond at all. The ring isn't the part I want, it's the partnership. THAT is priceless. So, no fake parts, no heels, no perfect hair, no perfect make-up, no tight clothing, no big rocks dripping from me. Oh, and I wouldn't televise my life. So, I'm not a "Real Housewives" sort of woman.

How about more typical women? After all, those women aren't very typical.

I'm thinking of the various women I saw while dining out with my 12 year old son tonight at a popular local restaurant.

1) Women with bling: I have many friends who look great with bling all over them! Bling on the purse, bling on the shirt, bling jewelry, bling in the hair, even bling on the butt of their jeans. Well, I'm not one of them either. I've tried, but it just doesn't work on me. Maybe it's that whole not wanting to draw attention to myself thing.

2) Arm Candy: We've all seen those women who always look perfect, and their husbands like to show them off. Ok, some women are just naturally that way (damn them!), but some women accept that it's the expected practice. This is not an insult, mind you. My own grandmother was an absolutely beautiful woman! She was always dressed perfectly. Everything about her outfits went together perfectly from top to bottom. She never left the house without her "face on" and her  hair fixed. I can't say she was really arm candy, but Grandaddy was sure proud to be seen with her and have other men notice how beautiful she was. (Wait, don't we all kind of want that? Anyway, you get the point.) I'll never forget a defining conversation with Grandmother. We had just gotten into London on the night before flying back home, at the end of a few very busy weeks having attended my sister's wedding in northern England and then traveling around for the next couple of weeks. We were tired, on each other's nerves, both hungry, and needed to just go have a bite and go to bed for the night. As I rather impatiently waited for her to "put on her face," I said, "Why can't you just go like that? Who cares whether you have all of your make up on or not?" She looked at me rather incredulously and said, "People who love me care how I look. Your Grandaddy would be appalled if he knew I went out in public like that." I guess my point here is that I'm a woman who likes to look nice, but I don't want it to be a condition of any relationship.

3) The whole country/Nascar/redneck thing isn't me either. Now, I don't mean to offend anyone by that label;  I'm totally generalizing here. I only like a small selection of country music, not a big fan of Southern Rock, would rather have wine than beer, and have no interest in watching cars drive around in circles. Just not me.

4) The nagging loud-mouth or the no conversation woman: I saw several of these tonight. First of all, I'm not very loud. Yes, I've had my nagging moments, but I really don't think I'd be defined by that. I felt so sorry for some of the men who were on the receiving end of the nagging, that I almost wanted to go hug them and invite them to join me and Asa at our table. Then there were the women who just sat, staring off at nothing while engaging in absolutely NO conversation with their dining partner.

5) The flirt: Admit it, we all flirt, but the kind I'm not is the one who can sit at the bar and hang on every man within a mile radius. You know, the ever so charming, slightly silly and air headed type. I like to flirt too, but not quite so blatantly. Sometimes, just a little dab will do ya.

Let's face it, there are so many different kinds of women out there. I only mentioned a few here, and most women wouldn't fit into any ONE category. Is it possible to really define a woman then, to really give an accurate description of one? I don't think so; we are multi-layered beings. I like to look nice, but I also like to not have to. I like to be outdoors and do outdoor things (like my archery), but I don't want to live in the country. I have moments of sophistication and class, but I have just as many moments where I don't. I love to travel, but I also love to be in the comfort of my own home. I'm not stunningly beautiful, but I'm not unattractive. I don't have the perfect body, but my body can do many things incredibly, perfectly well. I'm educated, but sometimes you wouldn't know it. I'm strong, but not overbearing (I don't think.) I'm tough, but very soft. I'm gentle, understanding, loving, and kind. I love to do for others, usually at the expense of myself. I deeply value the people I love, and the relationships I've made through my life. I love music, but have zilch musical talent. I was raised Episcopalian, but have Catholic leanings. I love art, but have no artistic talent. I can handle a multitude of stresses without completely falling apart, but when I fall apart, I do it well. I could go on, but the point is.  . . how does any of that fit into a type of woman? What type of woman would you describe me as if you were asked? (again, rhetorical) So, if you ever get a notion to tell some wonderful single man about this friend of yours, how would you define a woman?